Pinkish-Blue Items- Beware!
by Jay2
Summary: A strange colored item falls into the hands of a used-to-be Ring Bearer. An elf and a King struggle over who is the supreme power.. and how did Hot Pockets arrive in Middle-Earth?! R&R.
1. Legolas the interrupter!

A/N: Well this is one of those nonsence stories that make not too much sense, but are fun to read. ( I hope )  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, it is ( or was ) property of J.R.R. Tolkien. (R.I.P.)  
  
~*~ I don't know half of you hafl as well as I should; and I like less that half of you half as well as you deserve.~*~  
  
  
  
  
Pinkish-blue Items-  
  
  
  
A time after the events of The Return of the King, Frodo Baggins son of Drogo Baggins, heir of Bilbo Baggins and great great great great GREAT grandson of Bablo Baggins, was traveling along the edge of the Shire (dare I said: Outskirts!). He was at the decent age of seventy-four, still quite young for a hobbit.  
  
"Quite young?" a foolish young elf butted in to the author's talking. This foolish elf was no other than......... Legolas Greenleaf.  
  
How dare you interupt the auothor of this story which is still in the progress of being written, and furthermore unfinished!   
  
"I'm sorry, but I just had to interupt. Seventy-four is not young I assure you."  
  
What do you know? You're immortal. I have not given you permission for 'out of character' -ness, so why have you done so? Do you just wish to anger the author of this story and be excluded from the oncoming dangerous, perilous adventure?  
  
Legolas ceased to speak, for he realized his mistake.  
  
Anyway, while Frodo was traveling along the outskirts of the Shire, he noticed a small object on the ground. He cautiously approached it, for it could be something like the One Ring, for he did not want another adventure such as that!   
  
As he came apon the object he saw it glowing an odd pinkish-blue; he quickly stepped backward from the object, for he hated pinkish-blue objects of which he did not know of, that could be like the One Ring, and furthermore, he disliked such objects. (for for for for for....)  
  
"I should really pick it up. Somebody could have lost this precious item." He gasped, "Precious... Has it been called this before? With caution, I must handle this item."  
  
By now, Legolas who though he could just run the show here, for he was an elf in which: did not get dirty, had the perfect shot with his bow and arrow, had an infinite amount of arrows in his quiver, and was best of all immortal, had to interupt - once again - the author of this story which is still UNFINISHED. "Frodo Baggins!" Legolas called in a high-pitched elfish voice, "you must pick up that item and throw it into the river, for it is cursed with a cursey CURSE! Quickly, make haste, for you could be ensnared by the item's magical ability to ensnare!"  
  
With that, Frodo picked up the object and threw it into the river (which was so conveniently nearby).  
  
"Well done, lad!" Legolas cheered.  
  
The author was glaring at the interupting-elf, a fury in his eye.  
  
Interupt once more, foolish elf, and you shall be excluded from all oncoming stories with adventurous adventures!  
  
Legolas quieted himself.  
  
"Alas, I have saved myself from having to go on another BORING adventure." Frodo said with a sigh.  
  
A minute or two later, something appeared in the bushes. Ringwraiths, Frodo thought, No... worse.... dwarves.  
  
Alas, it was Gimli! (How he lived for all these years was anyone's guess.)  
  
"Gimli, old friend!" Frodo said, "It has been many a year since we have last had a chance to have a decent conversation."  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Frodo (Hey, he isn't Sam!), but there are bad creatures about. They come for an item. What this item is, I am not sure. But I hear it is a horrible pinkish-blue color." Frodo gasped, and practically passed out.  
  
".... We must leave this area now, Gimli... For I ridded myself of a certain pinkish-blue object only moments ago. Creatures about will be after us! Let us make our way into the forest, we will seek shelter with my old friend Merry."  
  
The two ran quickly through the dense forest toward Merry's home - or hole as hobbits might call them -. As they came to a clearing in the forest, they ran into a dark figure. It was none other than King Elessar!  
  
Aragorn, Strider, King Elessar, or whatever you want to call him, was now old in appearance, but still had the Flame of the West, Andùril at his side.   
  
"Strider, sir!" Frodo screamed, practically bursting into tears seeing his old pal. Gimli gave no sign of caring about seeing Aragorn, Strider, King Elessar (WHATEVER) again.   
  
"Ah, Frodo Baggins, you have aged quite a bit now, I see. "  
"So have you, Strider." Frodo was almost crying. (weakling!)  
  
"So, is there going to be a plot in this story anytime soon?" interupted that same interupter, but the author was asleep, so Legolas got off easy this time.................  
  
What was the object that Frodo found?  
  
Will it lead to a new adventure?  
  
Why is Legolas interupting?  
  
Why am I asking so many questions?  
  
R&R if you want me to continue!!!! 


	2. And the whole time I thought they were M...

AN: For anyone who is brain dead, this is NOT, I assure you NOT going to be a Legolas romance... I assure you this is not going to be a romance at ALL! *Some minors cheers* So. I would like some reviews (NOT FLAMES) if you don't mind, after you have read this chapter; that is all I ask. Thank you. Read.........  
  
  
Disclaimer: Do not make me repeat myself.  
  
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Pinkish-Blue Items- Part II.  
  
Since the author had abandoned his fanfiction for a time-frame of practically twenty-four hours, the small group (about one fourth of the Fellowship, I believe): Aragorn son of Arathorn, Frodo Baggins son of Drogo Baggins, and Gimli son of Gloin, had stayed the night around a small fire which Aragorn and Gimli's powerful minds struggled to create. For now it was the morning, precicely eight o'clock AM Eastern Standard time. They were all awake, except Aragorn who deserved some extra sleep; for he searched the forest for MINUTES trying to collect wood and such for the fire he and Gimli struggled to build.  
  
Gimli was eating his breakfast: a Ham 'n Cheese Hot Pocket. Frodo was eating Aragorn's Hot Pocket, for he forgot any for himself. Aragorn would be angry if he found out.  
  
"What is this? This is not a humorous story, this is Dwarf and Hobbit eating Hot Pockets around a fire on the outskirts of the Shire. BOO. This is crap," interupted the INTERUPTER.  
  
You dare interupt me again, Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood? I can have you permanently REMOVED from this story; how do you like that?  
  
Legolas ceased to speak again.  
  
Besides, you expect humor from the very beginning? I only have just begun, you just WAIT!  
  
Suddenly (!), Merry appeared in the bushes.  
  
"Alas, Merry; old pal. You have ventured deep into the Shire to find us?" Frodo said cheerfully.  
  
"No.. Actually; I was just cutting some of the trees in my front yard."  
  
"You were cutting trees? And then you ventured to find us? There was no need to do that. We were going to start our journey again to your home to seek shelter from the evil amongst the forest."  
  
"Were you, now? Well. You were in my front yard the entire time... Could have just knocked, yeh know."  
  
"Is that so?" Frodo protested, "Prove it."  
  
Merry simply stood aside, revealing his home!  
  
"Alas, Merry, you were correct. I guess I am not as sharp as in the past."  
  
"So. We spent all that time creating a fire when your friend's home was RIGHT HERE?" Gimli said.  
  
"Yep. I guess so," Frodo answered.  
  
"Well, you guys. I have.. er.. a guest at my house. You.. er.. cannot come in. Uh, sorry," said Merry.  
  
"Oh, that's okay. We can follow the river and find what were are questing for."  
  
"We're questing for something?" Gimli said.  
  
"... I thought so."  
  
"Well. Goodbye, Frodo, Gimli." With that, Merry left.  
  
Aragorn shifted on the ground. He made coughing noises, and then screamed: Arwen it hurts! AHH!!   
Then suddenly, Aragorn awoke, sweating wildly.  
  
"Strider, you nightmaring."  
  
"Nightmaring?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Er.. As you men say it: Having a nightmare. Same thing, correct?"  
  
"I guess so........ DID YOU EAT MY HOT POCKET, FRODO?!" Aragorn yelled as he glanced the Hot Pocket box labeled: The King's; which was empty laying on Frodo's lap.  
  
"What- No. I didn't eat it... You know I would never--" But Frodo could not finish his sentence for Aragorn attacked him, grabbing Frodo by the throat and wrestling with him violently into the nearby bushes. Sounds of Frodo's cries and Aragorn's yells could be heard.  
Gimli, who seemed to care less about the fight going on, noticed Frodo's flask.  
  
"Ha! The Hobbit's drink! I do not believe I will do any damage by having a sip or two." Gimli reached into Frodo's pack and retrieved the flask. He opened it, and quickly swallowed all the liquid inside of it. Gimli dropped the flask and began to sway back and forth, drunkily.  
  
Suddenly, a new character appeared in this story, the one whom was supposed to be taken out of this story had somehow appeared; Legolas Greenleaf came from the bushes nearby.  
  
"Ahh, Gimli, old pal. What are you up to -- What is that noise?"  
  
"... Frodo..... *hic* ate... *hic*... ho-meat.... *hic*.... Ara-Troll... *hic* angry. Troll *hic* atta-strangled... *hic* Fr-Hobbit.... *hic*...." Before the Dward could finish, he fell over unconscious.  
  
"Troll!?" Legolas cried. He quickly grasped his bow and an arrow. He aimed the best he could into the sounds coming from the bushes nearby. He shot the arrow......  
  
AHHH!!! SHIT!!!!!!!  
  
Legolas screamed. "ARAGORN!" In a matter of seconds, Legolas was away from the campsite and running through the forest.  
  
Aragorn emerged (emerged? amerged? which?) from the forest, an arrow was sticking out of his hindquarters, and blood was dripping all down the back of his leg. Frodo walked out slowly, behind Aragorn, a blood nose, a black eye, and a large bruise on his forehead, were new to his apparel.  
  
"Where is that elf who did this to my ASS?!?!" Aragorn yelled at Frodo. Frodo shrugged nervously.  
"I don't know.. s-sir," he replied.  
"Well, then our plans have changed. The Pinkish-Blue item is ON HOLD. Legolas... is going to DIE. AHH!" Aragorn brandished The Flame of the West, Andùril and ran into the forest after the elf.  
  
Frodo turned to the passed-out Gimli, then looked at the empty flask, then at the Hot Pocket box, to the fire (which was still burning), and finally back at Gimli. Frodo squealed a bit, then walked off toward the river; for he HIMSELF would find the Pinkish-blue item and finish this 'quest' without the help of Aragorn, Legolas, or Gimli.  
  
Meanwhile...... Aragorn had came apon Legolas the Elf. They both stared at eachother for a moment. Then Legolas brandished his own sword...............  
  
AN: Ehh? A fight? Shall they fight? Tell me if you want a fight. Or should something else happen? R&R NOW! Thank you. 


	3. Ghosts, water-rabbits, and cats.

A/N: OH MY GOD!!!! It has only been minutes since I finished chapter two. And what now?, you ask, well now, is CHAPTER THREE!!!! Dun Dun Dun. This one might be weird, you see I am in the midst of a Blink-182 video, I just watched the movie 'Shrek' and 'Jurassic Park III' and I have just read the beginning of 'The Two Towers'.. Hmm. Strange mix if you ask me.  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Lord of the Rings, would I be writing FANfiction?  
  
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Pinkish-Blue Items: Part III.  
  
In the middle of the Dark Forest (of which I just made up ^_~), Aragorn and Legolas stood before eachother, each having their swords out, ready for a duel (a gruesome one). Aragorn raised his sword to strike, when suddenly Boromir's ghost appeared inbetween the two!  
  
"Noo.. You must not fight eachother, for you have other needs to attend too!"  
  
"Boromir! You fool! He shot me in the ASS with an arrow! Why am I not to fight him?"  
  
- Legolas stared. -  
"Why, he shot you in the ass with an arrow? Oh. Sorry for my intrusion.... Go ahead and kill 'im. But talk to me a bit later, for I have important things to tell." Shortly after, Boromir disappeared. After Boromir's ghost disappeared, Aragorn glanced around; Legolas was nowhere to be found. He heard some rustling in the bushes nearby.  
  
"LEGOLAS!!!!!!!!" Aragorn screamed. He pushed a hole in the bushes and saw Legolas caught inbetween some rocks in a clearing, behind the elf was a waterfall which fell down into a pond. Aragorn raised his sword. Legolas struggled to get free, but couldn't move. Legolas summoned the 'elf-powers' within him, and suddenly the broke free of being caught in the rocks. He raised his arms and screamed something in Elfish.  
  
Then, suddenly, the flow of the waterfall came straight at Aragorn. As it came closer to him it took the shape of STAMPEDING RABBITS. Aragorn screamed and tried to run, but was caught by the water and carried back to the fire.   
  
"Aha! I have delayed our battle. Time to make my way to the tooth pick factory! Away!," Legolas yelled before running off to the East.  
  
Meanwhile, Frodo was traveling down the river, searching for the item. He glanced around and saw a white cat. He approached the cat. Suddenly, the cat jumped onto his face and stabbed his claws into his face.  
  
"AHHHHHHH! AHHHHH! AHHHH!" Frodo screamed, "GET IT OFF!!!!!!" After struggling for a moment, Frodo fell over unconscious.   
  
A while later, he woke up to see a grey-ish creature petting the white cat.  
  
"Precious.... Precious.... My.... Preciousssss," the creature repeated.  
  
Frodo gasped: "Gollum."  
  
Frodo looked at the strange collar the cat was wearing, it had an odd bell on it. The bell was pinkish-blue..............  
  
Meanwhile, Merry had ran outside of his house, screaming, only wearing his pants. Aragorn (at the fire, remember!) turned and saw Merry.  
  
"RUN, ARAGORN! SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME!!!!" Merry screamed.  
  
"Who?"  
Merrry didn't answer; just ran away from Aragorn. A moment or so later, a girl burst out of Merry's house, it was none other than: Arwen!  
  
"ARWEN!??" Aragorn screamed, "YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH THIS HOBBIT??"  
"Yes...... Yes, Aragorn, I am. I needed something new. Those hobbits.. and their big, hairy feet. Oooh!"  
"Ew! My God! I don't have time for this. I must destroy Legolas. Goodbye, Arwen; forever." With that, Aragorn left, running through the forest going West. (WRONG WAY!)  
  
AN: Ooooooh. Well I think that the next chapter will be the longest; for I will be following each character on their quests: Legolas, on his search for the tooth pick factory for whatever reason, Aragorn on his quest to find Legolas, and lastly Frodo as he has an actual adventure with the pinkish-blue item. R&R! 


	4. Elendil! Elendil!

A/N: ..........?  
  
Disclaimer: ........  
  
Pinkish-Blue Items  
  
Part IV  
  
Aragorn came to the top of a hill, in a ring of trees. He was near the Brandywine River, which he was quite certain Legloas would follow. He set his things down and rested.  
  
Aragorn made a small fire for himself; it took much longer to make the fire without Gimli or Legolas' help. No. That was wrong. Aragorn didn't NEED the Elf's help. He hated the elf. He would have his head. He violently tore open a box of Hot Pockets-  
  
"Ow!" the box exclaimed.  
  
"?!" Aragorn managed to say. He quickly snapped out of his confusion and drew Anduril. "Phantom box! Prepare for your doom!" He raised the blade to the sky: "Elendil! Elendil!" ---  
  
"No! No!" said a voice. "Do not cause harm upon this package. For it was I, Boromir, who made phantom noises. Just having a spot-o-sport."  
  
"Boromir? Oh yes... Boromir the ghost. What do you want?" said Aragorn sheathing Anduril.  
  
"Well," he said, "I told you to speak to me once you hath defeated Legolas. I have important matters to speak with you." The ghost sat down on a large, sharp rock. Any Man, Elf, Dwarf, Hobbit, Wizzard, even Orc would have been painfully impaled by the rock. But that silly nonsense called pain is of nothing to ghosts.  
  
"Yes? ....?" Aragorn was busy chewing his Ham n' Cheese Hot Pocket, which cheese was dripping down his chin and unto his mail armor. Boromir made strange, ghostly signals to Aragorn, wiping his chin as if telling the Ranger/King something.  
  
Aragorn stared.  
  
"Nevermind. Now. For important matters," said the ghost, rising from the stone. "I believe that Orcs are about. Hunting for the..."-he looked left, then right- "Pinkish-Blue Item."  
  
"Why would they want.." -Aragorn looked left and then right, only in a more mockingly manner- "the Pinkish-Blue Item? I don't even know what it is. Besides," he paused, drawing Anduril again, "I will have their heads for lawn orniments before they get near myself or Frodo!"  
  
"Well. You should be cautious. The 'item' can ensnare your mind and soul, forcing you to commit all sorts of devilry such as: entering the woman's facilities, or eating very much without exercise forcing you to gain weight! The item might even make you..." -dramaticaly long and drawn out pause- "wash your hair."  
  
Aragorn jumped, and placed his hands apon his flakey, maggot-infested hair. "NEVER!" he cried. "These Orcs shall perish, and the Pinkish-Blue item will be destroyed!!" He raised Anduril "ELENDIL! ELENDIL!"  
  
The ghost shifted nervously. "... Stop saying that, please. Orcs are about... like I said before."  
  
Aragorn "cooked" ( if one can call holding a cheesey, hammie pastrey over a flame by the tip of a sword cooking ) two more Hot Pockets for his dinner. He found that he could not eat the second; unless, of course, he wanted to vomit.  
  
"Boromir, would you like this Hot Pocket?" asked Aragorn politely.  
  
"Sure. I haven't had a Hot Pocket since before I came to Rivendell and we began our journey."  
  
"Hold on. Need to get some herbs for my famous 'Herbal Tea'," said Aragorn. He turned to his pack and pulled out random things. He dropped the Hot Pocket over Boromir's extended hand.... The Hot Pocket fell right through his hand and rolled down the hill. It splashed into the Brandywine River and was lost for ever.  
  
"...Boromir........MY HOT POCKET, BOROMIR!!! YOUR HAVE LOST IT!!" He screamed and cursed. Aragorn swung Anduril around wildly, clanging the steel against the rock Boromir had been sitting on earlier. Aragorn stopped and muffled crying.  
  
"...I-I'm.... sorry, Aragorn. I hope seeking revenge apon Legolas will relieve you of your tremendous anger," Boromir said fading into a mist, then completely vanshing.  
  
After mourning over his lost companion (no! not Boromir!), Aragorn ground his herbs and such into a paste and he poured it into a cup of hot water. He mixed it for a moment, then drank it. Aragorn jumped up: he felt rejuvinated, revived, sadness had left him. He swung his blade around. "Elendil! Elendil!"  
  
Aragorn ran into the woods to seek his prey, Legolas Greenleaf, son of Thranduil, prince of Mirkwood. Heading deep into the Old Forest, he noticed that the trees seemed to be directing him towards the South. He used Anduril to cut through branches and even small trees, for his plans would not be foiled by plants. After marching for an hour or so, he heard a noise.  
  
Legolas, he thought, I shall defeat you.  
  
He crept along around a large boulder in deep grass that reached up to his knees. He heard the noise again. This time it souned more like a snarl than anything else.  
  
...Orcs, Aragorn thought.  
  
Suddenly! (!!!!) an Orc jumped from behind the rock. It had nasty-looking face. It showed its fangs, and hissed at the Ranger. He held a scimitar above his head, screaming in the Orc tongue. His name was... well I don't know because no one bothered to ask him. The Orc swung at Aragorn.  
  
"THE ITEM," he hissed, "THE ITEM! GIVE IT!!" The Orc swung again. Aragorn easily evaded it... again.  
  
"Elendil! Elendil!" Aragorn cried. With a quick flick of his wrist, Anduril had peirced through the Orc's throat, and breaking through the bone. The head fell to the floor. "Victory is mine! I am on your tail, Elf!" 


End file.
